Crimes Against Peeps, From ‘Peepza’ To Pancake-Flavored Chicks

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People hate Peeps. Like, they really hate Peeps. But in a cruel twist of fate, people (or Peeple?) who love Peeps are the ones who end up doing the worst things to them every Easter.

Follow us down the dark rabbit hole of the internet for a few examples.

Crime No. 1: Peepza

Peepza is pizza topped with Peeps. It shouldn’t exist, and it definitely shouldn’t be as popular as it has become.

It was born from a joke made by Adam Kuban, the editor of Serious Eats’ now-dormant pizza blog called Slice. Slice published a tongue-in-cheek recipe for Peepza in 2010, but of course the internet gave it a life longer than it ever deserved to have.

Now every Easter, Peepza rears its ugly head and prompts an onslaught of social media reactions. It has become so mainstream, in fact, that even Martha Stewart let Peepza corrupt her pristine palate:

Crime No. 2: Terrible flavors

Some crimes against Peeps are actually committed by the company that makes them. The folks at Peeps have created some controversial flavors like Orange Sherbet Peeps dipped in fudge and Neapolitan Peeps filled with chocolate, which are essentially baby birds that squirt out brown goo when you squeeze them. But it gets worse. There are Party Cake Peeps, Cotton Candy Peeps and, perhaps worst of all, Pancakes & Syrup Peeps.

Crime No. 3: Shooting someone who’s wearing a vest made of Peeps

This one almost qualifies as an actual crime, because there’s a gun involved. Pro shooter Kirsten Joy Weiss, who has a YouTube channel full of trick shots and other gun stunts, made a protective vest out of Peeps in 2016 and then fired at it to see how much damage the treats could take.

Crime No. 4: Burying your Peeps alive

Please don’t make this trifle. It’s just not OK.

Crime No. 5: Eating a food that’s indestructible

An editor at HuffPost left some Peeps on a desk for a year, and almost nothing happened. One week, the Peeps felt a little bit harder, but the next they’d feel a little softer.

And when it comes to tests about Peeps, this was on the unscientific end of the spectrum.

The worst crimes against Peeps are probably yet to be committed. We’ll find new, more upsetting ways to add them to dioramas, art projects and recipes; we’ll continue to impale them with sticks and allow them to ruin Oreos and bottles of wine.

But you can find comfort in the fact that you’re not alone if you want the madness to end:

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